you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
