its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
