I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
