Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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