i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
