The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
