maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
