i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
