just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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