I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Randomize
