mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
