i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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