i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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