Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize