when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
COCAINE IS GR8
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
