maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
