I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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