So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
