dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
