I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
