Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
