batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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