the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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