The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Someone shit on the floor
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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