I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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