New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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