I am full of burrito and curiosity
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
