OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
