Whod you bang
People with herpes should wear stickers.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
