haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We are all done wearing pants today
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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