woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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