Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize