I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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