**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
