i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
