I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
