...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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