then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
