My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
