He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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