and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
