Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
