You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
