I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I want to fling myself into the sun
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize