I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
