So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
