Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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