Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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