i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
