put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
