ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
