so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
