I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Do vagina's smell?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
