He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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