At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
