I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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