Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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