You smell like stripper and shame
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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