Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
