i would punch a child for taco bell
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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