sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize