take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
