is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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