my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
