Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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