UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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