I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
