Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
