I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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